Does your relationship help you grow? Take our quiz to find out.

Haruka Aoki

Feb. 10, 2024 at 7:00 a.m.

Why do some relationships last, while others don’t work out? Whether you’re in a marriage, a romantic partnership or a long-term friendship, research shows that the happiest and most lasting relationships are “expansive” — meaning the other person makes our lives bigger and more interesting.

Gary Lewandowski, Jr., psychology professor at Monmouth University, created a quiz to help you figure it out. Answer each of these questions with “not very much” or “very much.”

Illustration of a snowman teaching a fuzzy creature to ice skate, its arms outstretched to balance. The snowman reaches out, ready to catch them.

Question 1 of 10

Does being with your partner or friend result in new experiences?

A person points to a flower as a bunny lays on its stomach and looks on curiously.

Question 2 of 10

When you are with this person, do they make you feel a greater awareness of things?

A bat brings a hot drink and cookies to another winged creatures, who is sat at a table writing.

Question 3 of 10

How much do they increase your ability to accomplish new things?

A cat and a butterfly hold up mirrors to one another. Each of their likenesses is reflected opposite them with colorful and expressive lines emanating from them.

Question 4 of 10

Think about the kind of person you are. Does your partner or friend expand how you view yourself?

Three witches in pointed hats ride broomsticks. One stands up, as if surfing, and the others clap and raise their hands with joy.

Question 5 of 10

When you think about this person, do they help you expand your own capabilities?

A sun and a moon reach toward one another. Flowers grow beneath them and the tides of the sea crest above fish.

Question 6 of 10

Now think about this person’s skills, abilities and talents. Do they compensate for some of your own weaknesses?

A wider view of a mountain with a bear and flower gazing to the moon and the cosmos.

Question 7 of 10

Has your partner or friend helped you see a larger perspective in life?

A woman with long hair teaches a man to brain his long beard.

Question 8 of 10

How much has being with this person resulted in your learning new things?

A mushroom gestures in explanation to a worm, who is wearing a monocle, bowler hat and bow tie.

Question 9 of 10

How much does your partner or friend increase your overall knowledge?

A fox takes a bag from a bee, who has a beret and a cane.

Question 10 of 10

Has knowing them made you a better person?

You need to answer every question to see your result. You’re missing questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.

A winged person in a yellow coat carries a dog as they fly. Stars and sparkles speckle the page.

6 to 10: Highly expansive. You are gaining a lot of new experiences and reaching new goals as a result of your relationship. Chances are you have a happier, more sustainable relationship as a result.

4 to 5: Moderately exciting. Your relationship has led to moderate improvements in your life and some new experiences. But there’s definitely room for improvement.

0 to 3: Low connection. Your relationship is not creating opportunities that help expand your knowledge and make you feel better about yourself. Sharing new experiences with your partner can improve your relationship.

Whatever your score, keep making an effort to share new experiences with your partner or friend, said Lewandowski, author of the book, “Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship...and How to See Past Them.”

“The idea is not ‘you complete me,’” he said. “Our job is to make each other better together than we are by ourselves.”

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About this story

Illustrations by Haruka Aoki. Design by Chelsea Conrad. Editing and art direction by Hannah Good. Design editing by Christian Font. Copy editing by Brian Cleveland.