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For The Washington Post

Virginia Oliver

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US-POLITICS-BIDEN

Joseph Potenzano

Joseph Potenzano is 93 and has never been married. About a year ago, he was sitting alone on his sofa at home in Paramus, N.J., when he suddenly thought about his friend, Mary Elkind.

“I realized that I had no one to call, and I was lonely,” Potenzano said. “Mary was in the same situation, so I decided, ‘Why not ask her out?’”

He did not pick up the phone to call her, but he began to hatch a plan.

Potenzano had met Elkind, 83, at his sister’s wedding in 1959. She was the groom’s cousin and the maid of honor, and he was the best man. After the wedding, they’d dated a couple of times, but it hadn’t led to romance.

Still, the pair had chatted at their two extended families’ gatherings over the years, and Potenzano knew that Elkind was widowed in 2014.

“I’m at the age where I have very few friends left — almost all of them have died,” Potenzano said.

Several weeks later when he saw Elkind at a church christening for one of her new family members, his plan began to fall into place.

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He summoned the courage and asked her: “Mary, would you like to go out for a cup of coffee and have lunch together?”

“She looked at me with startled eyes, and then she said, ‘Yes,’” Potenzano said.

Instead, they attended an Irish dance show in Morristown, N.J. on their first date, and they briefly held hands, Potenzano said, noting that “we both thought it was a really nice feeling.”

Elkind, a former professional dancer at Radio City Music Hall, said that until that night, she had been content to spend her remaining years playing canasta with her girlfriends and following the adventures of her three children and four grandchildren.

“My days were busy with friends and family,” she said. “But I did find that my evenings could be very lonely.”

She’d thought about Potenzano through the years.

“I had actually wondered about Joe off and on — he’d attended my wedding, and we always saw each other at christenings and Christmas parties,” Elkind said. “I had even wondered a few times what life would have been like if I’d married him.”

Last month, when Elkind was sitting on Potenzano’s sofa with him, he brought up the idea of matrimony.

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“I asked, ‘Do you think we should get married?’” Potenzano recalled. “It was the second time I’d brought it up. The first time, I’d asked if she’d ever consider marrying again, and she said she didn’t know.”

This time, Elkind said she responded, “Why not? Let’s do it.”

“I told him, ‘At our age, if we’re going to do this, we’d better do it quick,’” she said.

That is how lifelong bachelor Potenzano came to plan his <a href="https://www.nj.com/bergen/2023/08/93-year-old-nj-bachelor-is-finally-getting-married-to-a-woman-he-met-64-years-ago.html" target="_blank">first wedding</a> well into his 10th decade.

The big day for him and Elkind will be Oct. 15, when they exchange rings and vows at <a href="https://www.olvparamus.org/" target=_blank>Our Lady of the Visitation Roman Catholic Church</a> in Paramus, where Potenzano spent decades singing in the choir in his younger days.

Although they didn’t set out to have a large Italian wedding, it’s rapidly turning into one, Elkind said.

“We initially thought we’d have just a few people, but now the list is 90 and growing,” she said.

“In my case, it’s literally true: You only get married once,’” he said. “This is a marriage that will last for my lifetime.”

He never intended to be single until his 90s, but life got in the way. He served in the Army, graduated with an engineering degree from Fairleigh Dickinson University in Teaneck, N.J., and settled into his dream job as an engineer.

But something always eluded him: a lasting relationship.

“It just always happened that I was in the wrong place at the right time,” Potenzano said. “I came close once in 1965 when I met a nice young lady and we dated for a few years. Then one day she told me, ‘There’s somebody in Buffalo waiting for me,’ so I broke it off.”

When he retired in 1988, he told himself to “be grateful you have a roof over your head and three squares on the table,” he said.

Then, last year, when his thoughts lingered on Elkind, he decided to give romance another try.

Elkind, who is enthusiastically onboard, has picked out a champagne-colored wedding dress for the occasion. Potenzano plans to wear a navy suit with a crisp white shirt and his favorite necktie, and the couple recently bought simple gold wedding rings to exchange at the altar.

“We’re traditionalists, so there won’t be any living together before the wedding,” Elkind said, noting that she plans to move from her place 20 minutes away in Rockland County to live with Potenzano in Paramus.

Her children are delighted that she’s found romance in her 80s.

“It’s like my mom is back at being a teenager again — she has that giddy spirit that comes out when you’re in love,” said daughter Sue Elkind, 55. “We’re all really happy for both of them.”

She was a felon who was addicted to drugs. Then she became a lawyer.

“Everyone who hears they’re getting married can’t believe how sweet this is,” she said.

After the wedding, the bride and groom plan to honeymoon in Cape Cod, then settle into a routine as newlyweds, taking strolls around the neighborhood.

“Yes, this is all new to me, but I’m confident there won’t be any problems,” Potenzano said. “We’re both in good health, and I haven’t met anyone yet who’s told me, ‘You dummy — love is for the young.’ That’s simply not true.”

“Older people like us deserve love, too,” he said. “And we’re going to give it our best in the years we have left.”

An earlier version of this article incorrectly characterized Joseph Potenzano’s age. He is in his 10th decade.

Cathy Free is a human interest reporter who specializes in stories of humanity. She has written for The Washington Post's Inspired Life section since 2018. 

Cathy Free

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Lifelong bachelor from New Jersey is getting married at age 93

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