The way the past year’s Style Invitational contest calendar broke in half, Part 2 of our 2019-20 retrospective contest — whose results (of Week 1363) run today — contained both song parody contests: Week 1339, for songs about “modern woes,” and Week 1357, for current events. Every time I run a parody contest, I end up with far too many excellent parodies than I can share — which means the Loserbards often send their best “noinks” again at the end of the year for the redo.
So along with more than 1,000 entries for 22 other contests, I received forty-three song parodies among the two contests — most, but not all of them, ones I’d seen before — plus a few that were submitted for various poetry contests, like the one to use new dictionary words. So once again, lots of Losers were robbed of ink for their clever, singable song parodies, even though probably more than half the space in the results were for those two contests. Sorry once again, Chris Doyle’s “Bye Bye Bei-Bei” (about the panda sent back to China) and “Stephen Miller’s ICE” (“Bette Davis Eyes”).
The Loser Community’s extravagant wealth of parody talent served as fabulous fodder last weekend at its Post-Holiday Party, its 23rd annual winter get-together, and the fourth straight one at the home of Insanely Gracious Loser Steve Langer and Loser Auxiliary Allison Fultz in Chevy Chase, Md. Duncan Stevens, parodist extraordinaire himself, chose about a dozen inking parodies from recent contests, focusing mostly on those whose writers might be able to come to the party. Loser Pianist Steve Honley then tracked down the sheet music. And so once the 70 or so guests had gorged and imbibed from the vast potluck spread, everyone crowded into the living room and … well, let’s say that the Loser lyrics were more polished than the no-rehearsal performances, but dang, it was fun to sing them (or in some cases, “sing” them).
Most of the clips of the songs — each runs just a minute or two — can be found on the playlist “Style Invitational Parodies” on YouTube. The lyrics appear at the top of each comment thread. (When I get some time, I’ll track down some previous Invite-related videos and add them to the playlist as well.)
Here’s one of them: Hildy Zampella leading us in her parody of “New York New York,” about Trump’s changing his residence to Florida.
In addition to the parodies, we also sang an original Loser Anthem, composed for last year’s festivities by then-newbie Jonathan Jensen. Jonathan was out of town this year, but his Gilbert & Sullivan-style song is so funny and endearing and singable that we gave it an encore to close out the set. Here are the lyrics:
Dear wags and wits, before you sits a smirking, shameless schmoozer,
My brain’s askew, my humor’s blue. Love me, I’m a Loser.
I’m vain and snide, and full of pride, says many an accuser,
I must get ink, or turn to drink. Love me, I’m a Loser.
Not many folks would hang around this person I describe,
But now I have my gang around, at last I found my tribe!
I’m bad at sports, look sad in shorts, no barrel-chested bruiser,
I’ve got esprit du repartee! So love me, I’m a lonely, lib’ral, language-loving,
Lexiconniving Loser!
When Jonathan — who plays string bass in the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra — saw the clip posted on the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook group, he sniffed: “OK, not bad. Next time I’m able to attend the Loser party I’m going to crack the whip and REHEARSE this. Altos, you’re flat!” (That’s probably me.)
Unless we have one of our upcoming Loser brunches at someone’s house rather than the usual restaurant gathering, our next songfest will be at the Flushies, the annual awards for Loser of the Year, Most Imporved [sic], Least Imporved, etc. The Flushies are usually held in May or June, but some years they’ve been as late as October. Ur-Loser Elden Carnahan and his associates will figure out the where and when, and I’ll let you know. For now, check out the tentative calendar of 2020 Loser events at NRARS.org (“Our Social Engorgements”);. our next brunch, at noon on Sunday, Feb. 16, will be at Coastal Flats restaurant in Fairfax, Va. If it’ll be your first Loser event, let me know and I’ll make it a point to attend.
We’ll have to save a spot on the Flushies program for today’s Lose Cannon-winning entry. Duncan Stevens took Richard Marx’s sappy 1989 pop smash “Right Here Waiting” and turned it into a toadying loyalty pledge by Mitch McConnell to confirm a slew of right-wing judges. (Maybe we can book the Turtles as the band.) Marx’s “Right Here Waiting” appears on the album “Repeat Offender” — a good label for Duncan, whose 13th Invite win and several other blots this week (including the new-contest idea and examples) place him on the front lawn of the 500-ink Style Invitational Hall of Fame, next to the flamingoes.
The rest of this week’s Losers Circle consists of Invite big shots as well: Rob Huffman’s “Mick Nagger” brings him “above the fold” for the 22nd time along with about 200 honorable mentions; anagram savant Jon Gearhart has almost the same stats as Rob; and it’s an enormous five-blot week for Hall of Famer Beverley Sharp, who I think sent in her entries while on a cruise. (Be sure to notice her cartoon caption as well.)
What Doug Dug: This week’s faves of Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood (who read just the entries in the print Invite) came from the honorable mentions: John Hutchins’s “Will this lump ever go away?” as something you could say both in the doctor’s office and when Trump visits your country; Ryan Martinez’s “Dee Nye the Science Guy,” Fox climate expert; Jon Ketzner’s “Joe Bidet” (such a fixture); Raymond Gallucci’s “perplexiglass,” used in funhouse mirrors; J. Larry Schott’s acerbic “Lady Liberty” limerick; and Steve Smith’s fake biographical trivia that Trump has always been haunted by that dastardly chip thief the Frito Bandito.
Hey, sailor, check out our Week 1367 contest
This week’s contest, Week 1367, is pretty straightforward: pickup lines from anyone in particular; I was sold on it by the lengthy and varied list of examples that Duncan Stevens sent me along with his suggestion. I can see overlap with some previous contests, and not just Week 382, inept pickup lines (results here), but the related “disqualifying statements” for a potential romance (Week 802 results here) and even the recent double-entendre contest Week 1336, which we feature in today’s results. But the emphasis on particular fields is new, and I’m eager to see what you come up with. Deadline is Jan. 27.
Next week we have the crossword-clue results of Week 1364, which means the super-short-form entries will give us the space to run another Bob Staake caption contest — or run more song parodies!
