Style Conversational Week 1364: We haven’t a clue

Anyway, I like crosswords, especially when their clues are full of wordplay. And for many years now, beginning in 2006, I’ve been posting filled-in crosswords and asking for creative (if not necessarily authentically brief) clues. But this is the first time I decided to use a Sunday puzzle: If you can submit only 25 entries, but you have about 125 words to choose from, there’s less likelihood that I’ll get 15 of the same clues for a single word.)

One reason I chose the L.A. Times Sunday crossword (which runs in The Post’s Arts & Style section on the same page as the Invite), rather than The Post’s own Sunday puzzle, is that Post constructor Evan Birnholz is a super-clever wordsmith himself; I didn’t want to keep checking that the inking clue was as good as Evan’s own. “Pet Sitting,” the puzzle we run today in Week 1364, has a nifty construction with the letters CAT “sitting” on top of words like “couch” at several places in the grid. But the clues are as straight as can be: “Hall of Famers: GREATS”; “Sedentary sort: COUCHPOTATO.” Contrast that with a few random inking clues from our contests over the year; while most use wordplay, especially repronouncing the word, others are just funny descriptions:

IRONLADY: The ferrous maiden of them all (Dana Austin)

BEAT: Follows “A: Get up” on a forgetful person’s to-do list (Frank Osen) [B. Eat]

AETNA: Latin for “we don’t cover that” (Peter Metrinko)

SPIRAL: An Agnew-Gore ticket (the late William Bradford)

ABBA: Hebrew for father and Swedish for pop (Kathy Hardis Fraeman)

SAUDI: He’s at the top of the OPECking order.

PERON: Juan or another (Phyllis Reinhard)

WHATAMESS: A female whatam. (Jim Lubell)

EDBEGLEY: Ed Begley Jr.’s father’s name (Ted Weitzman)

BAR: Both lawyers and drunkards need to pass this (Rob Huffman)

SIDING: Contributing something to Thanksgiving dinner (Kevin Dopart)

SIDING: In Barcelona, the answer to “Does that bell make a sound?”

So: Like that. And please use that format — don’t number your entries; don’t break up the initial word, so that when I hit SORT, all the entries for each word will clump together.

One more thing: Many crosswords will spread a single answer across two lines; the 6 Across clue might begin with “With 23 Down, a hit TV show.” Our contest doesn’t use numbers in the boxes, and so such a clue tends to be rather inelegant in this format. But I have run some especially clever combos, like “FATES+WEIRDO”: The word “SO” in Comic Sans (Kathy Hardis Fraeman). That’s “fat S and weird O.”

Looking out past Number One: Classic losing entries from the past year

“Congratulations — you lose.”

That’s my standard salutation on the letters that I send out each week to people who got Invitational ink (except to whoever wins the Lose Cannon, since that person failed to lose). The point, of course, along with the Loser Mug and the whole moniker, is that the quality of the Invite is so deep that it’s a big deal to get ink at all, especially to be a runner-up in the Losers’ Circle, a.k.a. to finish “above the fold.”

As we wrap up 2019, I felt like sharing some losing entries from the past year. Here are various runners-up, along with the occasional honorable mention, one each from Weeks 1307 through 1333. The choice of one entry over another shouldn’t be read as second-guessing on my part; they just struck me as funny as I scrolled through the results.

Week 1307, change a term by one letter: Peerogative: Getting to use the bathroom of your chosen gender. (Runner-up by Steve Fahey)

Week 1308 — see the cartoon caption at the top of this page.

Week 1309 (do-over from the previous year, Part 1): Yelp reviews, Week 1264: Heaven help the unsuspecting concertgoer attending Elm Street Preschool’s holiday sing! Several of the vocalists were off pitch, the production values were slipshod, and Kevin in the second row needs to stop picking his nose. Two stars. (honorable mention for Frank Osen)

Week 1310 (do-over Part 2): Anagrams of movie titles, Week 1291: “The Big Lebowski” > “The Big Bowelski”: Same movie, but with a dirtier rug. (runner-up, Matt Monitto)

Week 1311, predictions for 2019: March 7: On World Math Day, the president states that he can divide by zero. “I write down a number, draw a line under it, then put a zero below that. It’s very, very easy for someone like me.” (honorable mention, John McCooey)

Week 1312, neologisms containing the letter block TOUR in any order: Rotunderpants: “Relaxed-fit” drawers for wearing after the holidays. (honorable mention, Jesse Frankovich)

Week 1317, poems about people who died in 2018: Southwest Airlines founder Herb Kelleher:

His business acumen was never doubted.

Now he’s aloft — unless he’s been rerouted. (Honorable mention, Frank Osen)

Week 1314, joint legislation between new members of Congress: The Pappas-Torres Small-Pence bill to ban the sale of “slim-fit” trousers to men over 50. (Honorable mention, Paul Burnham)

Week 1315, crossword clues: ADE: what to make if life gives you lemons, poms, brigs, stock, or Gators. (Honorable mention, Neal Starkman)

Week 1316, fake trivia featuring “statistics”: It is now possible to tango with only 1.75. (Runner-up, Duncan Stevens)

Week 1317, haiku with puns:

The #MeToo movement

Has had it up to here with

Male pattin’ boldness. (Runner-up, Chris Doyle)

Week 1318, anagrams:

Original: “I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States.”

Anagrams to: “I, Donald J. Trump, attest that I will offend you, expel the White House staff, and fleece the country for side millions.” (Runner-up, Jesse Frankovich)

Week 1319, neologisms found in any of the given ScrabbleGrams racks: ADFHLNU > ANDUH: Filler used to stretch your essay when you run out of things to say. “Try to avoid such anduh as ‘In conclusion, it has become clear that all people of reason can surely agree that … ’ ” (Runner-up, Danielle Nowlin)

Week 1320, take a sentence from the paper and supply a question that it might answer:

A. Tip-off is 7 p.m.

Q. So you think the Mueller report is going to be leaked? (Runner-up, Drew Bennett) [It wasn’t!]

Week 1321, Amazon reviews of any of several everyday products: Men’s white handkerchiefs: Who would have guessed that carrying my mucus in my pocket all day could be so stylish? (Runner-up, David Kleinbard)

Week 1322, problematic inventions: The Swiss Army Gardener: A handy, foldable multi-tool combining a shovel, rake, hoe, hacksaw, pitchfork, pruning shears and posthole digger. (Runner-up, Jesse Frankovich)

Week 1323, delete one or more letters from the beginning of a movie title: [P]ORGY AND BESS: The never-before-told story of Mrs. Truman’s wild years in the White House (Runner-up, Neal Starkman)

Week 1324, retell a Bible story or folk tale in the voice of another author: Adam and Eve as told by Edgar Allan Poe:

In the Garden known as Eden, one without a single weed in,

Grew a tree with a bad seed in: one who worked toward their downfall.

“This is the lone Tree of Knowledge. Eat and know the truth — no college!

Such a deal, you must acknowledge!” So they ate, quite in his thrall.

God appeared. “That’s it! Now get out! But before you pass the wall …”

And He handed Eve Midol. (Runner-up, Todd DeLap)

Week 1325, jokes for the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner: The president couldn’t be here tonight because he’s hard at work in the Oval Office — there are a lot of Democratic candidates who need childish nicknames. (Runner-up, Howard Walderman)

Week 1326, “breed” any two names on a list of the year’s Triple Crown-nominated racehorses: Castle Casanova x Maximum Security = Romeo in Joliet (Runner-up, Steve Smith; Jonathan Paul)

Week 1327, select a headline from the paper and reinterpret it by adding a “bank head”:

Real headline: Hoda Kotb welcomes baby number two!

Bank head: ‘I know it’s weird but I love changing poopy diapers,’ TV host says (Runner-up, Jesse Frankovich)

Week 1328, rewrite some passage in the style of a different author: “A Tale of Two Cities,” by Donald Trump: It was the best of times, it was the best of times, it was the greatest time you’ve ever seen, believe me, it was a beautiful time, it was really great, most people don’t know this but it was the best of times, it was huge, not like those times that weren’t so great, it was incredible, a lot of people are saying it was the best of times, except for the Fake News, but it was the best of times, NO COLLUSION! (Runner-up, Laurie Brink)

Week 1329, start with a line from Shakespeare and follow it with your own rhyming line:

“Methinks no face so gracious is as mine” (Sonnet 62)

Is my least successful pickup line. (Runner-up, Pete Morelewicz)

Week 1330, “breed” two of the inking foal names from Week 1326 to name a “grandfoal”: Cruella de Villa x Pretentious Op-Ed = 101 Dull Mentions (Runner-up, John Hutchins)

Week 1331, “accidentally” delete or move some text in the paper: Trump to unveil plan to move immigration toward ‘me[rit]-based’ system. (Runner-up, David Peckarsky)

Week 1332, acrostic limericks:

There now is a man (you know who)

Who pours out his heart on the loo.

Each grudge he has held —

Emphatic, misspelled —

The musings of Whiny the Pooh. (Runner-up, Gary Crockett)

Week 1333, create a word that sounds like an existing word but is spelled differently:

SerPhDom: Trying to eke out a living as an adjunct professor. (Runner-up, Pete Morelewicz)

Ah. Ya’ll are just so good.

Cold har ‘facts’*: The winter fictoids of Week 1360

*Non-inking headline submitted by at least half a dozen people

Week 1360′s winter fictoids, the first of what most likely will be four contests — though I’m not giving Jeff Contompasis four milkshakes for the contest idea for fake trivia about each season — proved smooth sledding for the Style Invitational Pack of Lies Manufacturers, with jokes ranging from the scatological (including the winner) to the surreal (Iditarod drivers need to bring their own snow), with the usual doses of wordplay and political jabs.

Mark Raffman’s “news” about the problem with “snow-writing” skills these days wins him yet another Lose Cannon (he’s mercifully stopped asking for them, since this is his 22nd contest win). Frank Mann brings his total ink to 118 with his runner-up and two honorable mentions; perhaps he’ll wear his second-prize “Got gas” boxers to the Loser party on Jan. 11. (Even better, he could just tell us he’s wearing them.) And for third and fourth place, we have one Loser who’s gotten ink every year since Year 1 — Hall of Famer Stephen Dudzik is up to 571 blots of ink — and another, Andrew Wells-Dang, who’ll be getting a Fir Stink for his first ink, along with his choice of Loser Mug or Grossery Bag.

Her Shannon stars: Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood got Christmas Eve off, bless his heart, and so this week we have Guest Ace Shannon Croom to cite her faves of the week. Shannon singled out two honorable mentions: “The Inuit have only one word for snow but 50 words for “gullible anthropologist” (Dudley Thompson) plus this from Rick Lempert: “The record low for Washington, D.C., had been minus-5 degrees Fahrenheit, set Jan. 17, 1982. Now it is whatever happened at the White House today.”

There’s still time to RSVP: This Sunday’s brunch and the Jan. 11 party

Loser (Edward Gordon, Austin) is in town through Sunday, and as for the past couple of years, he’s invited the Losers to gather for brunch near his hotel at noon on Sunday, Dec. 29, at Joe Theismann’s Restaurant, a more upscale pub/sports bar near the King Street Metro in Alexandria (validated parking in the adjoining garage). RSVP to Elden Carnahan on the Losers’ website, NRARS.org (click on “Our Social Engorgements”).

I can’t make it to the brunch, but I’m polishing my tiara in preparation for the annual Losers’ Post-Holiday Party, the potluck/songfest at the Metro-friendly Chevy Chase home of Steve Langer and Allison Fultz on Saturday evening, Jan. 11. The yes-guests include such Invite veterans as early-years icon (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge) as well as brand-new Losers like Rick Foucheux (pronounced fo-SHAY), the longtime D.C. actor whom I’ve seen many times at Arena Stage and Round House Theatre, but have never met. Attention must be paid! If you haven’t replied to the Evite, please do; if you didn’t get an Evite, here it is just for you.

Happy New Year and End of Hanukkah — and thanks to all of you who keep this Invite thing viable by entering the contests, and by just reading them. Even if you’ve already read the Invite, please click on the Thursday afternoon email I send out, bring it up to your screen, so that The Post knows you like this feature. Even better: Once you open the email, please also click on the link for the Invitational and/or the Conversational. THANK YOU!