Opinion | Some gifts I would like to give Trump, Republicans and others

As we head into the week of Christmas and Hanukkah, I have my holiday gift list ready to go:

For Republican House members: A mirror, so they can see how terrible they look with their faces contorted with anger mid-scream as they rant and rave on the House floor. Perhaps they will consider how unprofessional and mean-spirited they appear.

For Senate Republicans: A copy of “Profiles in Courage” by John F. Kennedy. Boy, could self-identified moderate Republicans (and all those with an appreciation for their oaths as jurors in an impeachment trial) use some inspiration as they consider whether they want to conduct a fair, robust trial. Do they really want to participate in a sham that will set themselves up for condemnation and ridicule when, eventually, the full story of President Trump’s extortion comes out (for example, when John Bolton publishes his tell-all book)? Doing the right thing in this instance would actually be an act of political self-protection.

Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.): A life-size cutout of late senator John McCain, whose guidance Graham desperately needs right now. Graham has lost his way, forgotten his “maverick” friend’s devotion to country over party and allowed himself to become a flunky for a corrupt, unfit president.

For President Trump: A stress ball. He seems very angry these days — at Democrats for delaying transmission of the articles of impeachment to the Senate; at Republicans for not defending him staunchly enough; at an evangelical publication that dares to criticize him; and at his lawyers for not preventing his impeachment. Instead of fuming and keeping all that hostility bottled up, he could squeeze the living daylights out of a rubber ball.

Acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney: A carton of pens with disappearing ink. When next Trump is tempted to send off a loony letter ranting at the House speaker or a world leader, Mulvaney could be confident that the screed will literally disappear before reaching its intended recipient.

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South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg: A suit of armor. He handled the assault from rivals on the debate stage Thursday about as well as could be expected, but they are not going to let up. As one of the favorites in Iowa, he will have a target on his back for the next six weeks or so.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass): A time machine. If only she could go back in time and avoid tying herself to Medicare-for-all. Her health-care rollout triggered a nosedive in the polls as voters figured out that this fantasy scheme would be an anchor around her neck in the general election.

Former vice president Joe Biden: A lifetime supply of Wheaties and strong coffee. We can only speculate that these might have contributed to his energetic, focused and forceful debate performance. Whatever he did (or ate or drank), he should do (or eat or drink) before the next debate.

Our NATO allies: An election countdown clock. These might be in short supply in the stores, but they will help our European allies track the days until the 2020 presidential election in which, they dearly hope, a stable president is elected — one who understands America’s role in the world and recognizes that they, not the Russians, are America’s friends.

All my readers: I wish you a joyous holiday season and a chance to recharge your batteries before the wild year ahead. I will be taking some time off, but keep checking this space. You will find an occasional holiday treat. I will return on Dec. 31.